Written by Lady Monique Jordan, Tacoma, Washington (Dual State West)
This is Part #1 of a 4-part series on how to Incorporate GOD in your marriage to increase PEACE, LOVE, JOY AND PLEASURE.
NOTE: PLEASE READ PROFICIENCIES 1-6 BEFORE ENGAGING IN THIS LESSON SERIES
Who qualifies to participate in this lesson? Anyone in the following categories:
- I am a single woman
- I am planning to marry
- I just got married
- I am happily married
- I am unhappily married
- I am thinking about getting a divorce
- I have divorced and I am remarried
Why would I engage in this LESSON SERIES?
- To examine myself, and where I fit on the “Satisfaction Spectrum” of my marriage. (On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how satisfied am I with my marriage? )
- To Take A Look At PRAYERFULLY LEARNING AND BEHAVING my way into an amazing relationship with God first, and then, my spouse.
- To become pro-active about my relationship with my spouse before our challenges begin.
- To examine and assess resources available to me concerning my marriage/future marriage.
- To address the following questions:
- If God promised abundant life, wouldn’t that include marriage?
- What constitutes an amazing marriage anyway?
You might not feel like you want to hear this song right now. But listen to the testimony of this singer before you begin this series:
“I Anoint Myself” by Fred Hammond
NOTES FROM MOMO!
A: Each marriage is as unique as the two people involved. Each member of the marriage comes with specific gifts intended to enhance the marriage and help it flourish. God knew this when he said leave and cleave. However, for whatever reason, married couples that I have counseled were often angry or hateful toward the gifts that their mate brought to the union. Instead of positive qualities being regarded as a source of joy for the spouse, those attributes became a source of jealousy, resentment, hostility, and strife. If this has occurred in your marriage, don’t despair. There is hope!
B: Often times, marriages suffer from a lack of skill, and humility. Couples often do not have the skills needed to navigate the complex relationship of marriage and are hesitant to admit this. Often times individuals live in dread that their spouses will find out that they are not “ALL THAT.” However, no one arrives in a marriage with everything perfect. Humility before God is the bridge needed to cross over into greatness and acquire the necessary skills to enhance our love life. When we learn to live God’s way, we will consistently yield the rich fruit of the spirit that God desires in our marriage. With these two thoughts in mind, we will address the skills necessary for enjoying our amazing marriage!
BELOW IS A LIST OF SKILLS WE ALL NEED TO CONSISTENTLY EXPERIENCE
PEACE, LOVE, JOY AND PLEASURE IN OUR MARRIAGE!
Investing time in these lessons will move your marriage from wherever it is, to a 10 or above!
Develop Spiritually with your spouse by learning:
- How to study God’s word INDIVIDUALLY AND together
- How to praise and worship God INDIVIDUALLY AND together
- How to pray with and for each INDIVIDUALLY AND WITH each other.
- How to give grace, and forgive YOUR SELF AND YOUR SPOUSE.
Develop Socially/Emotionally with your spouse by learning:
- How to take care of yourself
- How to be a student of your spouse
- How to listen to your spouse
- How to speak both “man” and “woman”
- How to conduct a fair fight (Navigation through intense moments of fellowship)
Develop the educational/business aspect of your relationship by learning:
- How to take turns
- How to set goals
- How to negotiate
- Manage finances
Develop the Physical/Pleasure side you’re your relationship by learning:
- How to become a better mate for your spouse
- How compliment/appreciate your mate
- How to become your spouse’s best friend.
Helpful Resources that support this series:
- A willingness to learn about yourself, your spouse, and God you serve.
- A bible and references to explain
- Prayer time together and separately
- A healthy married couple (who Loves God, has been married longer than the two of you, and is willing to speak the truth in love to you both.)
- A healthy church family
- Good books on Marriage, Family, finances, AND COGBF WOMEN’S WEBSITE
Lets Look Scripturally at Peace as it Pertains to Marriages:
- SEEK PEACE: Remember, this takes time! AND, it is time well spent.
We Develop Spiritually and obtain Peace with our Spouse by Learning:
- How to study God’s word INDIVIDUALLY AND together
- How to praise and worship God INDIVIDUALLY AND together
- How to pray with and for each other.
- How to give grace, and forgive OURSELVES AND OUR SPOUSE.
PERSONAL REFLECTIONS:
Where does the scripture teach peace?
How can we develop more peace in our marriage?
Solutions: (While it is good to delve into this work together, it certainly works individually.) There are many scriptures dealing with PEACE. We can begin with the scriptures below:
- Remember make it personal.
- Lets repeat these words to ourselves-NOT to our spouse.: (Back off and Calm Down, stop pointing fingers, blaming, shaming, and saying disparaging comments about each others family members!)
- Lets agree with God to reduce or replace our anxiety, fear and anger about our present situation with the following suggestion for ourselves.
- Let's Get Our Peace From God!
"You are my Peace" by Juanita Bynum:
When reading the scriptures below, we need to make it personal and insert our name whenever possible.
Philippians 4: 4-13
4. Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Sometimes I need to offer sacrificial praise for my life, my spouse and, my marriage.
- Remember it is a sacrifice when I DON'T WANT to do it!
- This is “by faith” praise. I don’t have to feel like praising.
- I am probably feeling the opposite. But by obeying this scripture I am letting the devil know that I am placing my trust in God!
- Therefore it is time for me to dance no matter what has previously occurred.
- God can be my reason to rejoice! If I do this then I’m taking my joy back!
This is important because the Joy of the Lord is my strength!
- I need strength to thrive and grow into my healthy marriage
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men (this includes your spouse). The Lord is at hand.
- I must do what is right by my spouse regardless of how they may behave towards me.
- God is watching me, and God will help me with this!
- I will Trust God to let me know what my next steps should be.
- Doing right also means setting boundaries out of love not fear.
- I will obey God, not my temporary negative inclinations.
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
- I must STOP nagging my spouse with my accusations, anxieties, fears, etc.
- Instead, I can lean heavily on God about our issues through prayer.
- When I can manage to pray about our situation with thanksgiving I am regaining my emotional health and my stability, which is what I need to stay the course.
- God can deal with all of my marriage issues!
- I can say, “I believe/trust you Lord. Help my unbelief.”
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
- This is the miracle that occurs when I recognize that God is in control, when I place my marriage problems in God’s hands.
- God is willing and able to keep us!
- Leaning on God takes the pressure off of my spouse and gives our relationship a chance.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.
I must STOP lying to myself. (stop negatively meditating on what is not going right or is unpleasant in my marriage).
To accomplish this:
- I can ask myself, “Who wants to sleep with, or be around a constant critic?
- I can ask myself, “How often do I catch my spouse doing what is right?”
- I can ask myself “Am I complimenting my beloved (out loud) most of the time?
- I can remind myself: when I constantly focus on what needs to be fixed, what I don’t have; and how disappointed I am; I am feeding my spirit with a sense of inadequacy.
- I can remind myself: This takes me to a negative space in my emotions and leaves me there.
- I can remind myself “When I do this I corrode my ability to connect, pray and collaborate with my beloved.”
- I can say to myself: If I haven’t found many things to praise my spouse for, then I don’t have the right to criticize.
- My spouse deserves someone who is willing to appreciate him/her.
Note: if my tendencies have been mostly negative toward my spouse, in order to undo the damage that I have already done, I can focus on the following personal growth points:
- Instead of constant negativity, I must think on, and say out loud to my spouse the things that are good about our lives, our relationship, and our marriage.
- I must personally and intentionally daily rejoice, meditate on, and talk about what is awesome in our marriage.
- I can begin to Pray Fervently and in secret about what needs “fixing” in my married life.
- I can try to go a full day WITHOUT bringing up negative points and criticizing my mate.
- I can use my angst (negative emotions and frustrations) as prayer fuel rather than fuss fuel.
- Before I bring out a negative point in my spouse, I can work on all of the imperfections in myself. (That might shut me up for a while.)
9. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
- Talk to your mentor when you need to release! Ask them to share what they have done to make it through times in their marriage.
11. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13. I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me.
- I can to learn to be content! I can at least try it!
- Contentment can come to us no matter what state our marriage is in, when we are willing to let it go.
- God can, and will, give us our peace, and direction as we learn to let go.
- Listen to the following song:
- “It’s in God’s Hands Now!” By Anointed:
Part #2 is coming which focuses on love.