As promised, I am coming to you this week with information, a few reflection questions, and a task. Your Proficiency Goal (should you choose to accept it) is as follows:
DISCOVER YOUR SELF-WORTH IN GOD
The purpose of this message is
1. To convince women to Look to God as our Father for:
- Self-esteem
- A Healthy Support system
- Companionship
- Purpose
2. Create consciousness about the Cinderella Complex.
3. Encourage you to trust God to put you in the position to receive the mate he has for you.
I strongly suggest that you listen to this song before beginning this lesson. It will help your heart receive and retain the information to come:
Before we begin our lesson I want to acquaint you with a mindset that can hinder your ability to move forward in a positive way in your life. It is called, “The Cinderella Complex”
The Cinderella Complex was first described by Colette Dawling who wrote a book on women's fear of independence as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older. The complex is named after the fairy tale character Cinderella. It is based on the idea of femininity portrayed in that story, where a woman is beautiful, graceful, polite, supportive, hardworking, independent, and maligned by the females of her society. She is not capable of changing her situations with her own actions and must be helped by an outside force, usually a male (i.e. the charming prince. (Wikipedia)
Isn’t it is amazing that in 2015, women still find themselves searching to be rescued by some external force other than God. Why is it that women still choose the victim/dependency role, especially when being a victim requires that they remain in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship?
Personal Reflections:
- Do I exhibit symptoms that indicate I have the Cinderella Complex?
- How did I lose my shoe?
- Who am I hoping will find it for me?
- What does a good fitting shoe look like?
- Can I trust l God to send a man with my lost slipper?
- Biblical Cure for the Cinderella Syndrome: Isaiah Chapter 54 (read and meditate on it)
- Biblical opposite of Cinderella Syndrome the Proverbs 31 woman (read and meditate on it)
- My Reflection for this week: How do I get from Isaiah 54 to proverbs 31?
Consider these words of wisdom:
1. THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE IN THE BODY OF CHRIST!
- Young ladies, you have been through many things. However, you survived! What is keeping you from talking about it with people who are in a position to help counsel and comfort you?
- There are many females out there who are praying for young ladies to do better, to dream bigger, to soar higher, and to be all that they can be.
- There are women out there who want what’s best for YOU!
- Many women have been through the exact things, and many times much, much worse and are now, not only surviving, but also thriving. They can help you.
2. YOUR MINDSET MUST SHIFT TO RECEIVE WHAT GOD WANTS FOR YOU.
- Oh Yeah! There is a man out there trying to hunt you down. But! You cannot be found if you are out of position.
- YOU are looking on the OUTSIDE of yourself to find a man when YOU need to look inside YOUR heart to find God!
- There are GOOD men looking for REAL women. BUT Hello! You’re not ready to be that real woman until you understand that YOU were worth looking for.
3. YOU NEED TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE BLESSING GOD HAS IN STORE FOR YOU!
- A woman can't need any man to the point where she is willing to sacrifice the individual God created her to be.
- Young ladies need to be able to challenge potential mates to do what is right; to get saved, and to love God. Because, if he is unwilling to make those changes before marriage, life will be miserable for them both, once they get married.
- Ladies need to be comfortable enough to pray WITH a man before marriage, then continue that habit for the rest of their married lives.
- Only God can change a man’s heart! Believe him when he shows you who he is.
- Women, we cannot put men in God's spot! Those men will fail every time.
- You need to be able to storm heaven with and without your man.
- Good men are looking for women who are capable of loving them through hard times.
COMMERCIAL FOR DIGGING IN YOUR BIBLE AND FINDING IT’S EVERLASTING TREASURES!
If you could hear me YELL I would shout, “God has your shoe!” He can bless you with a man worthy to find you and put it back on your foot. You can go from lost and desolate, to found and prospering, if you place your lost items in the hands of God. He loves you the most. If you don’t believe me, Read Isaiah: 54 and Proverbs: 31 for yourself!
WORDS OF ADVICE TO THE SINGLE LADIES!
- Single ladies, you need to be able to tell a man who's not saved, that he needs to be saved and then keep moving. I don’t care how fine he is!
- That man needs to realize that you were sad and/or lonely before you got with him and you could be sad or lonely all by yourself.
- You don't need him to complete your world because you have a man, Jesus Christ. Do I have your attention?
- And females, now-a-days, you need to be able to tell SOME other females THIS: If I wanted a female, I would have married one! Can I get a witness!
I may not be able to get this across to you but I can tell you a true story about someone I know who is LIVING THE DREAM! Let's call her Renny!
(BEFORE READING THIS STORY LISTEN TO THIS SONG)
Renny grew up in alcoholic family. Her mom and dad drank on a consistent basis. They enjoyed partying throughout the week and on weekends. Dad was a chain-smoker, which created a stinky white cloud of smoke in Renny’s house that never quite went away. Her dad was also a screamer who cussed everyone out, and also threw temper tantrums on the regular. He was pretty impatient with little Renny because for some reason she often did things incorrectly. “Back in the day” you couldn't use your cell phone to record atrocities (only star trek characters had cell phones back then) so Renny was often misused, abused, or placed in unsafe situations. There was often no sober adult to protect her or her siblings. So Renny took on the job of mom for her little brothers.
Renny was very skinny. Partly because there was not always much to eat and partly because she felt that if she ate small amounts then her family would have enough food to go around.
Renny's mom was a maid. She worked as a maid for a doctor, and at a hotel that the doctor owned. So Renny began working with her mom as a maid in the 6th grade. Renny’s dad was discharged from the army for back issues before Renny was born. He usually found odd jobs around town. When he wasn’t working, he stayed home to babysit and cook for the family. He was an amazing cook! Although her parents argued most of the time, they both agreed that it was the white man who was keeping them down.
In the early years of their marriage, when Renny’s mom and dad both went to work, Renny had to babysit her three-year-old and her one-year-old brother. She remembers beginning to babysit at age six. The alternative was being left with her half brother, who was 6-years older than Renny. (that older brother was diagnosed a few years later with paranoid schizophrenia). Those experiences were quite traumatic for Renny and her brothers. Her older brother was extremely intelligent and also very mean and resentful. He realized that Renny’s dad did not like him. Renny recalls seeing her dad chase her brother around the house with a bb gun trying to shoot him.
Family Health History
If Renny’s parents were formally diagnosed they could have been labeled bulimic, obese, and obsessive-compulsive, they both had sleep apnea, her dad had lung cancer, heart disease, Sclerosis of the liver, and hardening of the arteries. Her mom had breast cancer. Both of her parents lives progressed from stroke to heart attack, which led to Renal failure and early death.
Renny’s dad was a violent man at times and often threatened her mom with knives. In one of his drunken stupors, he tried to kill himself and her mom. The police came, Renny’s mom went to the hospital, her dad went to jail. Renny, and her brothers went to their aunt’s house. When Renny’s mom got out of the hospital, she bailed her dad out of jail and he returned home. That's when Renny divorced her parents. In the 10th grade Renny began to show signs of depression and began to look for a man (a prince charming) to rescue her out of her circumstances. She searched, and searched, but she was only a teenager. She believed the lies of boys and as a result began to hate men.
Renny’s mom got saved when Renny was 16. To this event Renny remarked. “Mom, you did all you wanted to do for 42 years. Now you want me to change. I don't think so.” Renny however, did watch the results of her mom’s salvation. But she was not impressed. Although her mom was saved, Renny’s noted that her parents still continued many of their alcoholic behaviors. For instance, her mom and dad were still constantly fighting. As a result, Renny planned her own method of escape, and she continued the search for her rescuer.
Eventually, Renny found the boy she thought could rescue her from her family. However, things did not exactly work out as she planned. Renny got pregnant, in the 12th grade, and also discovered that her handsome rescuer was also abusive. The next step in Renny’s mind was to leave as soon as she could and start over. So Renny broke up with her son’s father; then after finishing high school, Renny left her parents home; with her child and began to go to college.
It was at this stage in Renny’s life that her mother began to have special prayer meetings for Renny’s salvation. As a result, all of Renny’s plans fell apart. She could not succeed in any thing she tried. Renny felt defeated, devastated, that all of her hopes were lost, and that her life was ruined. She hated the thought of returning home. However, after exhausting all of her resources, Renny realized that home was the safest place for her.
After some recovery time at her mom’s house, Renny was able to swallow her pride and share her life plans and dreams with her mom. With her mom's assistance, Renny then left town to go to school. While in school, Renny’s mom kept her little son. Renny’s mom felt that God had heard her prayers, because while away at college Renny would be living in a preacher’s home. Renny hated it. But her mom was praising the Lord!
After settling in, out of respect for the preacher and his family, Renny began to go to church. At the age of 21, after years of prayer services dedicated to Renny’s salvation, Renny accepted Christ! However, Renny still distrusted men, and hated herself for the mistakes she made while growing up. Nevertheless, Renny knew she needed God’s help to find a mate. All of her previous attempts had failed. However, she knew that if she was going to be married, she needed a man who not only loved God, but who would also obey God. She needed a man who would take care of the family they created. She wanted a healthy marriage. She did not want to repeat the mistakes her parents made.
She admitted to God that she had no clue, and she gave that part of her life to Christ. Very shortly after her prayer, Renny's Prince Charming found her in front of the church steps in Avon Park, Florida. They married six months later. Her husband adopted Renny’s child, and together they began a journey towards healing and wholeness.
Please note that Renny got saved shortly before she got married. So she was newly saved, and did not know about Isaiah: 54. But as problems came in her marriage she brought them to Jesus. She learned to pray in secret. She allowed God to teach her who she was. She learned how to trust, love and respect her husband. Most of all, she learned that she had an everlasting friend in Jesus. As a result, her relationship with God began to grow. God gave her a thirst for his word and she began to earnestly study her bible. During one of her studies, Renny found HERSELF in the Bible. God showed her that she was an Isaiah: 54 woman. She knew that God gave her Isaiah: 54 to rebuild her sense of self-worth, and to make her into the woman she was created to be. After finding her self-worth in Isaiah: 54, she began the journey to Proverbs 31!
As a result, instead of just becoming a worker for God, she fell in love with the Jesus who saved her. Renny and her husband worked through many challenging issues, in the beginning of their marriage, and there were many emotional bags to unpack. But she and her husband pressed through with God’s help. In the process of time, as Renny’s relationship with Christ grew, her self-esteem grew, and her relationship with her husband grew sweeter and sweeter. Today, after 33 years, Renny and her husband are still together. Renny affectionately calls him her Barbecue Rib. They are still sweetly saved, and have dedicated their lives to investing in the spiritual healing of hundreds of other couples and families!
- Renny and her husband received extensive Christian Counseling over the years
- Renny and her husband have dedicated mentors that they are both accountable to
- Renny maintains and relies on her relationship with God the father, Son and Holy Spirit to encourage and strengthen herself and family.
- Renny and her husband are not involved in drug abuse, do not drink alcohol and do not smoke!
Ladies, my final question to you is: Are you ready to search the word, to find the love of God through Christ Jesus first, and trust God to provide your Prince along the way?
Amen! God's People PRAY!
Let me know if this was helpful for you!
Email me here from the Spiritual Life section of our website!
Stay tuned for proficiency 5: "Forgive!"